One Month to Go

It has been a very long time since my last post. In that time, I have been to Paris to visit with a friend, spent Easter Sunday wrapped in blankets battling a head cold, been to the north of England where EPIC times were had, lost a transport pass, returned to Copenhagen, and have had to deal with the onslaught of papers and projects as my semester abroad comes down to its final month (as of today 31 days until home!) I'm rather busy, but in the best way possible. I like having all of these things to do, it gives me a feeling of purpose. More than that, it helps me stay focued. In addition to the major events that I touched on in the list above, there have been several daily victories and defeats, but I have taken them in stride and adapted as the situation presents itself.

So it is down to the wire now and all the time I thought I had is flying out of the window. While there is a certain amount of insanity that I have to deal with (and part of it self induced) I have to say I do enjoy the insanity. The challenge of dealing with all of these things is something that can (at times) be exciting. It is far from my favorite feeling in the world, but when everything is finally pulled together, there is a certain feeling of satisfaction that comes with it. In the aftermath of finishing something, I generally feel a small amount of satisfaction.

With only one month in Copenhagen, you might ask if my opinion on this city has changed some or if I will be sad to leave. Now that I can actually see the sky and the sun no longer sets before my last classes, I am seeing a very different city than the one that I first arrived to. Still, Copenhagen to me is not China. The challenges of China were more different (and perhaps in some senses more difficult) than those I have faced here in Denmark. Because of the different nature of the challenges, I grew in different ways as a person. The me I am in Copenhagen is only possible because of what I went through while I was in China. Had I come here without the lens that China has given me, I am not sure what I would think.

Over all though, with only a month left here, I will not deny that I am once again craving to see the California cost line, be with my family, and be in an environment where I am familiar with the small cultural indicators. There are some things I have certainly grown to appreciate about Denmark, and while I have enjoyed some of the moments here, I would be lying if I wrote that I am already planning a trip back here. On the otherhand, there is no lie when I write that there is a very good chance that fourteen months from now, I will be on a plane to China to teach English (hopefully for a year or two).

Two Very Different Museums

Well today I did make the decision. After eating breakfast, I made the trek to the Anne Frank House. I got there maybe 15-20 minutes before opening and got in the queue that was already wrapped around a curb. In the biting winds I waited and meditated, listening as other people (be they couples or groups) chatted around me. Once inside, with as many people as there were, I could not help but feel slightly claustrophobic. However I moved through the museum, looking at where the Frank family hid for many years, and during that time I only spoke twice. Both of those times, it was to utter a prayer.

Being in that space, even for an hour, was something of an overpowering experience. I could only imagine what it would have been like to live in that space for years. After an hour, part of me was already yearning to be free, to get out. That might have more to do with my mild claustrophobia than anything else though. Listening to the voices of the Franks (there was a recording of Otto Frank) as well as those who knew them could lead one to cry. It led me to great silence and reflection. What I reflected on, I'm still grappling with. There will be a post later dealing with those reflections.

Following that visit, I decided to make the trek to Our Lord in The Attic. It is a museum that (as I found out) is open during its renovations. It was an underground Catholic Church during the time when Catholicism was outlawed in the Netherlands. Even during the renovations, there were many parts of the museum that were open and much that one could see. It was rather more filled than the Frank house (which is to be expected) and it was certainly a radical step away from what I saw in the Frank house (in terms of its content).

I went to two radically different museums. By the time I emerged from the second, I decided that I did not want to pay for a taxi nor make the trek to a third (that third would have been the Van Gogh museum). I shall have to return to Amsterdam one day just to see that space. However I think I have made good use of my time here so far.

Amsterdam

I somehow managed to make my way to Amsterdam. I had to run through Heathrow yesterday to make my connecting flight (and will have to do so again based off of all my connecting times in my itinerary). There was a brief, horrible moment where I thought that I lost my ATM card (only to find it in the pocket of the wallet that I always leave it in). So I am on the ground, safe, sound, and not in any physical pain. It's just going to take time to get used to all of the (for me) surreal life of this place. It is indeed odd to see a church surrounded by windows where women are for sale. I guess it is something that I could have expected, however it is not something that I can see myself getting used to.

Amsterdam and Copenhagen are very similar in some aspects. They are both on the small side for capital cities of a country. Both have a very relaxed idea about when most stores open (not until nearly 10 in the morning for most places) but a very good idea about when they close (around 10:00 to 11:00 at night). I am sure that there are of course exceptions. I know that there are in Copenhagen, but finding them is by no means an easy task. Not that it really matters anyway. I've been here one night already, and I have two more to go.

So what will I do with my remaining two days in Amsterdam? Today I am going to go on at least one walking tour of the city. Tomorrow, I will most probably make a pilgrimage to the Anne Frank House or the Van Gogh Museum. Both would be incredible experiences, but for very different reasons. There is a place called the Amsterdam Dungeon that sounds interesting, but I'm not sure if it is some place I want to go. I'll make up my mind at some point tomorrow. Until then, I will enjoy my day today and see where we are taken.

Spring Break

Well spring has finally come to Denmark. With the equinox past us, the sun is finally returning to the sky and the weather is beginning to get warmer. While I still have a jacket, it is now more for the unexpected rain showers which I am told this city is known for. This means that I am past the halfway point of my time here in Europe. Hard to believe how the time has gone, especially considering how it dragged during my first weeks here.

I will be the first to admit that I had misgivings about coming to Denmark. In retrospect, I should have listened to my gut and gone back to Ohio. However hindsight, as "they" say, is 20-20. I have done my best to deal with the situation, and as the days have gotten longer, I have found myself wishing for home a little less. The wish for home still remains though. While I did wish for home while I was in China, there were days where I was actually able to forget about home. During my last days in Beijing and Kunming, and although I was excited, there was part of me that was very sad to be leaving China.

I know that the future is impossible to see, but the only thoughts I have about May 15 (now just 50 days away!) is the sensation of excitement. My emotions well might change by the time 15 May comes, but at the moment I have a very hard time seeing that happening. Then again, during the mid period of China (a mark I have just passed in Denmark) was when my cravings for 'home' were the strongest. In short, who knows? I know I don't.

Spring break will be spent traveling to Amseterdam, Paris, and Manchester. On Tuesday I will leave for my nine nights away. The day before I come back, I will be sent my housing lottery number (something about which I am nervous). Now if only courses for next semester could or would be posted, I would greatly appreciate that...

Ice Cream Weather (At Long Last)

With temperatures beginning to get above fifty degrees Fahrenheit, Ice Cream has begun to emerge in Copenhagen. Having always had a bit of a sweet tooth, I can officially say that things are finally (after two months) beginning to look up.

Groceries

At long last, a posting not related to my angst or confusion over matters spiritual. This is related to the joys of grocery shopping. I'm sure we've all done it. I was just thinking about the specifics of it in light of what I buy and where I go in Denmark. Within walking distance of the apartment, there are not one, not two, but three separate grocery chains. Convenient? Considering one of the stores is literally right across the street from my apartment, I would say so.

Most of the time, unless I need something highly specific, I am quite content to go across the street to get whatever it is I need. True, there is another store of the same chain within a ten minute walk that has slightly lower prices, but most of the time (at least for me) convenience beats out price. When the weather gets slightly nicer, I think I might make the ten minute walk to the larger and slightly cheaper grocery store, but as long as the temperature remains below 50 degrees Fahrenheit, I don't think I'll be making that particular trek much.

After talking with my mother, a few of my cousins, and friends of mine who have graduated and now live in situations in which the dining hall is no longer an option or choose not to partake in their university meal plan, I find what I am spending on groceries for a week slightly less than some and slightly more than others. Knowing just how pricey everything is here in Denmark, I was prepared to be paying out of my nose for groceries. However Produce is (remarkably) roughly equivalent to what I would pay in the United States. Maybe it is a little more expensive, but not so much so that I cry every time I buy an apple. I guess managing the budget I do have for groceries is one more thing that I have to learn about as I continue to mature and move on with my life.

So the weather continues to be mostly cold and gray. The daylight grows longer, but I still see little of the sun. I have booked my travel back home. All things considered, things continue.

Peace.

Definitions

There are still many terms I am defining for myself when it comes to my religious identity. How do I explain my practices/beliefs/ideas to those both inside and outside of the religious community that I am to join? How do I explain these things to myself? Where do I draw the line between what I expect of myself and what others expect of me? Numerous times I have had to remind myself "this is what works for them, but what works for them may well not work for me." Still, each time I have a deeper conversations with anyone about religion or belief, I come back to questioning.

I have always questioned. Ever since I can first remember, I have been fond of asking questions. I have been fond of making other people define things and then taking their definitions and turning them to my own ends. It's not something one should be proud of. However, if I can call something, if I know how to describe how something functions, I feel much better about myself and where I stand. I know I should respect a lack of a definition and not push for one, but I sometimes just can't help myself.

This entry is to serve as a reminder to myself to stop pushing others in defining themselves. There are many identities that we can cling to. I am many other things besides the religious identity that I will assume upon fully converting. In time, I might go to the baal teshuva movements. However, perhaps I should try to stop trying to force myself into the boxes of definition. Freedom from definition might serve me well, at least for a little while.