Second Friday

So I have ended my second week of classes and soon my second week in Denmark will be over. I have already begun counting the days until I leave, but this is not so unusual. I did something very much like it when I was in China, although it took me longer before I stared the counting of the days, and I updated that count only when I had nothing better to do with my time. Here, I make sure that there is a small tally mark in the back of my physical journal every night before I go to sleep.

Now that I have had all my classes at least once, here comes the feeling that I might have bitten off more than I can chew. Again, something not so out of the ordinary. I had the feeling as I began each of my previous college semesters. Every semester, I manage to pull myself together and digest everything that I have bitten off. Sorry for the slightly gross food analogy, but being hungry does tend to focus one's mind on a singular point.

With this being my second Friday, I will soon make the pilgrimage (after a fashion) to Chabad of Denmark of an evening of prayer, community, and dining. Since my first experience with the Orthodox community here, I have been questioning what I know of myself religiously almost constantly. I don't know to what extent my experiences of Friday last will shape me as a religious/spiritual person. Perhaps in this community I might find what I have been seeking for so long. Even if this is not where I decide to make my spiritual home, at least I will have been.

Knowing where one feels uncomfortable (spiritually/religiously speaking) is as important as knowing where one feels comfortable. Last Friday, I was so overwhelmed with the newness of everything that I did not have time to notice my comfort level with what was going on. Tonight, I will try to pay more attention to that. However, I may again get swept up in the experience, only to do for another week what I have spent the last week doing. These periods of intense self questioning are far from new, and I would be surprised even if I do carefully monitor my comfort level if I spent time questioning why I felt whatever level of comfort I may feel.

I know that there is no such thing as an easy answer, at least in terms of religious formulation. People have spent life times navigating the myriad oceans of religious experience. In all probablity, I will do the same, as I am always questioning. I wish I could say that these intense examinations make me a better person, but I'm far from certain of that. I willingly admit that all I can do is watch, react, and analyze my reactions as this situaion continues to unfold/evolve.