Definitions

There are still many terms I am defining for myself when it comes to my religious identity. How do I explain my practices/beliefs/ideas to those both inside and outside of the religious community that I am to join? How do I explain these things to myself? Where do I draw the line between what I expect of myself and what others expect of me? Numerous times I have had to remind myself "this is what works for them, but what works for them may well not work for me." Still, each time I have a deeper conversations with anyone about religion or belief, I come back to questioning.

I have always questioned. Ever since I can first remember, I have been fond of asking questions. I have been fond of making other people define things and then taking their definitions and turning them to my own ends. It's not something one should be proud of. However, if I can call something, if I know how to describe how something functions, I feel much better about myself and where I stand. I know I should respect a lack of a definition and not push for one, but I sometimes just can't help myself.

This entry is to serve as a reminder to myself to stop pushing others in defining themselves. There are many identities that we can cling to. I am many other things besides the religious identity that I will assume upon fully converting. In time, I might go to the baal teshuva movements. However, perhaps I should try to stop trying to force myself into the boxes of definition. Freedom from definition might serve me well, at least for a little while.